I'VE BEEN EVERYWHERE, or five days in a ryder truck

so this was easily the most extensive, farthest interstate move i've made to date. over 2000 miles, through 7 states. it took us five days to make the drive, just me, joe and a 10-foot ryder truck.

< DAY 1 -- Little Rock, AR to Tucumcari, NM >
the first day was the longest. we did some serious driving today. before setting off, i told joe that i really wanted to make it to new mexico by the end of the first day. this would get us up to state #4, and it was totally doable. he told me i was mad. it took almost 12 hours, and by the time we got to tutenkamen, nm (as we fondly refered to it) we were pretty beat down.

STUFF WE LEARNED ON DAY 1:
• oklahoma has pretty crappy scenery, and we don't really see any reason to go back there.

• texas is easy to drive across and not so big if you go through the panhandle.

• the worse smell in the entire existance of man is located just outside of amarillo, tx. there's a cattle processing plant right off the freeway that smelled so bad that the stench was visible. no joke. it was hazy. just like in cartoons, where stuff has wavy stink lines.

• service in denny's is always awful, no matter if you're in michigan, california, or tutenkamen, new mexico.


< DAY 2 -- Tucumcari, NM to Flagstaff, AZ >
and then the winds came. when you're out on the plains in the desert, there's nothing to block them. and when you're driving a 10-foot truck, you tend to get tossed around a lot. joe did the rest of the driving from this point on, and for that i'm very grateful, because if i had to drive, we probably would have been blown right off the road and killed in a firey crash, a la toonces, the cat who could drive a car. ok, maybe not that bad, but you get the point. after a brief stop in winslow, az to stand on a corner and look for a flatbed ford, we made it to flagstaff, where we hit the comfort inn to decompress and watch cable. flagstaff was surprisingly cold, which threw me, because you think desert = hot, right? not the case. but it was easily the prettiest place we stayed, all up in the mountains.

STUFF WE LEARNED ON DAY 2:
• i-40 gets mad windy.

• if someone wants to get you to sell something called tahitian noni juice, don't fall for it. it's a total amway-style pyramid scam. and especially don't fall for it if the guy wants to have a meeting in a carl's jr. in the middle of nowhere, new mexico.

• if you want a piece of the all-you-can-eat crab legs action at the sports bar/restaurant down the street from the comfort inn in flagstaff, you need to get there early.

• new mexico has much better scenery than oklahoma, but is not as pretty as arizona.

• "junkyard wars" is a pretty good show, even if the chick host never changes her clothes.


< DAY 3 -- Flagstaff, AZ to Las Vegas, NV >
this was the coolest day of all. got up, drove to the grand canyon. if you ever feel the need to be totally humbled as to your place in the cosmos and the space-time continuum, go to the grand canyon. i just stood there, on the edge, and all i could think was, there's no way man could ever create something this magnificent, with all the technology available. so we leave there, and drive across the hoover dam. this balanced the grand canyon--a technological marvel and a testament to man's abilities to create. the day ended in vegas, which was the antithesis to all of the cool stuff we had seen in the first part of the day. it was an interesting spectrum of phenomena.

so after a bit of a dispute as to whether or not the turn lane counts as the left lane in which i may have yelled at joe (which i'm still sorry for), we checked into the tropicana and found that our room had a mirror on the ceiling. it was perfect vegas cheese. i couldn't stop laughing... i really wanted to take pictures of some of the insane vegas crap, but i couldn't bring myself to so it and look all touristy.

STUFF WE LEARNED ON DAY 3:
• don't speed in the grand canyon park. ranger bob *will* bust you.

• when trying to cross the hoover dam in a ryder truck, make sure it's less than half full so you can pass through the checkpoint and not have to turn around and go back.

• if you're prone to seizures, vegas is not the place for you. everything blinks--the casinos, the hotels, the walgreen's, the fatburger. everything. it was madness.


< DAY 4 -- Las Vegas, NV >
vegas, baby, vegas. we didn't do any driving today, since the truck was crying for a break from the road, and there was still stuff to be seen in vegas. if there's one word that can sum up vegas, it's "excessive." we did some gambling, a lot of wandering, and managed to come out up about $20. i managed to display some pretty incredible psychic abilities at the roulette table, calling a bunch of numbers exactly before the came up. but of course i couldn't repeat those abilities when we had money down on the table. and we got no hot tub, sadly. that wouldn't open til the weekend, on the day we left.

STUFF WE LEARNED ON DAY 4:
• pretend to be playing the slots, and waitresses will bring you free beer.

• the louie anderson family feud slot machines at the mgm grand are the best, but only if you get the teevee bonus.

• fake paris kinda sucks.

• if you're at an arcade, definately play the fireman game.


< DAY 5 -- Las Vegas, NV to Palo Alto, CA >
and this is the end of the trip. today was a long driving day, but not a very exciting one, really. california is really pretty, especially in through all the farming country around bakersfield. up through central california, over the pacheco pass, and on to 101. no incidents, no bloodshed, nothing run over or backed into. most excellent. the end.

STUFF WE LEARNED ON DAY 5:
• driving behind a slow-moving hay truck is not fun.

• you can grow grapes in central california, but they're probably eating grapes and not wine grapes.

• almonds grow on trees. (for the record, only i learned this. joe already knew it.)


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